Here we go again. The ceremony has been held, the photographs taken, and President John Dramani Mahama has proudly assented the Value for Money Bill into law. The goal, we are told, is to curb inflated public sector contracts and strengthen accountability. Which is excellent news. Because nothing screams “accountability” like a brand new office.
Let us think about this clearly. There will now be a new office, fully furnished with the usual government-issue sofas that nobody is allowed to sit on. It will be populated with well-paid staff, using taxpayer money, to do a job that was already assigned to someone else. That someone else, we have now learned, was the Legal Division of the Ministry of Finance. According to Finance Minister Ato Forson, those people simply lacked the “specialised expertise.” In other words, they were expected to swim even though they are birds.
Apparently, birds cannot swim. Lawyers obviously cannot assess finances. Can they? Meanwhile, the solution to birds who cannot swim is not to teach them. No. Who even teaches birds how to swim by the way? The solution is to build an entirely new pond and throw fish into it.
Aliens Could Be Borrowed
The questions, however, begin to swell in my head like a furious yeast. How special are the new people? Where will they come from? Have they been living under a rock, immune to the gentle art of the padded invoice? Will they be borrowed from space? Aliens, perhaps, who do not take bribes and have no use for money? That would be ideal. What would an alien even do with a 10 per cent kickback on a road contract? Buy a new crater on the moon?
Since we have no aliens available, we must assume the staff will be Ghanaians. And we must hope, because hope is the only currency we have left, that they will not themselves fail at the job that previous people failed at. Is it the hope that will kill us? Perhaps. But it is the hope that we have.
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A Modest Proposal
I have a modest proposal to ensure this office truly delivers value. Let us remove money from the equation entirely. No actual currency should change hands for any state contract. Instead, contractors will be paid in dried maize, smoked fish, and a 30-year DSTV premium subscription. By this method, there can be no suspicion of anyone stealing money. There is no money. There are only tins of gari and the complete UEFA Champions League package. Hand dey go, hand dey come, and the contractor goes home with a satellite dish. Additionally, whoever will procure the stuff, knowing money will be involved at some point, should be televised on national tv for all to watch—the equivalent of the revolution will be televised.
Back in the real world, the finance minister has given us our next instruction: hurry up and wait. The Value for Money Office is expected to become fully operational by January 2027, though it has received the assent of the President. That is nearly eight months from now. Eight months during which single-source contracts will presumably continue to be assessed by the birds at the Legal Division. Or perhaps not assessed at all. Strategic recalibration, anyone?
Ghanaians have grown accustomed to institutional degradation. We have seen the cheap pilferage that insults our intelligence. Our skepticism for initiatives like this is not born of instinct. It is born of experience. We know what we have seen. We have seen what we have known. And we know, with the certainty of a believer shouting “Amen,” what will happen again.
Money for Value
For an office set up to ensure Value for Money, the indications based on our past are clear. And time will eventually be the ultimate revealer of truth. The value may come eventually, but something will have to give. And that something is money. It is what we call Money for Value. You want value? Bring money. You want more value? Bring more money. And at the end of the day, last last, we all go chop supper.
Whether the supper will be served with a side of accountability? That is a satire for another Tuesday.
The Brewed Satire.
Disclaimer: Article is well and truly exaggerated for a comedic effect. Thanks for your attention to this important matter.TBS.
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