Bawumia Defeats Ken
31st January 2026—In what was dubbed the Ultimate Showdown, the New Patriotic Party’s 2028 flag bearer primaries concluded not with a bang, but with a decisive scorecard. Bawumia decisively defeats Ken in the NPP primaries.
Former Vice President Dr. Mahamudu Bawumia faced off against the vociferous former MP for Assin-Central, Kennedy “Ken” Agyapong, and three others who were overshadowed by the headlines for the bout that was months in the making.
The Final Scorecard
After 195,901 valid votes cast, the result was clear. This was no narrow victory. It was a systematic dismantling.
Dr. Bawumia delivered 56.48% of the blows directly to the jaw of Ken while Ken managed only 23.76%, landing somewhere in the vicinity of the ring’s padded corners.
Ken’s Deflated Message
In the aftermath, a visibly deflated Ken took to the stage. He delivered a consolatory speech and urged his supporters to “stay calm” and accept fate.
However, his own expression told a different story. It suggested a man who had just returned from a brief, informative tour of hell.
In a moment of poignant self-comfort, he whispered to himself. Then he burst into a set of vigorous laughter—a clear signal to fans that his spirit, if not his campaign, remained unconquerably springy.
“Let’s accept fate and work towards party unity and victory in Election 2028,” Ken stated. He had presumably accepted the specific fate of losing by over 30 percent.
Prophet”s Failed Prophecy
In related spiritual news, Prophet El Bernard Nelson-Eshun issued a full apology. He retracted his earlier “hall of shame” prophecy. He had previously guaranteed Ken’s victory, citing a direct tip from an angel of the Lord.
The prophet clarified in his retraction: the celestial message had unfortunately been delivered with a sprinkle of Swahili. This is a language he does not speak or understand. The error in interpretation was, therefore, critical.
What’s Next For Bawumia
The victor, Dr. Bawumia, is a man of comfortably ‘polyreligious’ inclinations, who offers both his requests and gratitudes across multiple faiths.
He is therefore expected to offer thanks at the mosque this Friday and also attend a church service this Sunday. He will praise both Allah and God for the same divine favor for the orderly delivery of his opponent into his political hands.
The Final Bell
The showdown is over. The delegate count is final.
All that remains is the gentle hum of unity, the soft rustle of laughter, and the sobering reminder to always get prophetic messages in writing and in a language you understand.
The Brewed Satire
Disclaimer: Exaggerated for a satiric effect.
This was fantastic to read. Your writing was so engaging and I appreciate your perspective on the just ended NPP primaries.
#masterclass
Thanks for the kind words, bro.